Day before my last cornea transplant

I was reading in the Ensign, a magazine that my church puts out monthly, and there was an article by Henry B. Eyring who quoted a scripture from Mosiah (4:20-22). It reads:

"And now, if God, who has created you, on whom you are dependant for you lives and for all that ye have and are, doth grant unto you whatsoever ye ask that is right, in faith, believing that ye shall receive, O then, how ye ought to impart of the substance that ye have one to another.

"And if ye judge the man who putteth up his petition to you for your substance that he perish not, and condemn him, how much more just will be your condemnation for withholding your substance, which doth not belong to you but to God, to whom also your life belongeth, and yet ye put up not petition nor repent of the thing which thou hast done.

The article also talks about how God knows our needs, and the needs of others, and depends upon us to fulfill others needs. We tend to respond more at Christmas time because we have the Spirit of Christ with us stronger at this time of year as we focus on his birth and life.

I was pondering these words. I have asked for many things in faith, more recently for my vision to be restored knowing that God will grant that unto me. I also thought about how I have told Him that I will be a tool in His hands with my restored vision. I realized that I don't have to be a tool when my vision is corrected, but I can be a tool now as I heal.

One of many ways I can be a tool, I realize through reading this scripture (and many others), is that I can serve others in my own way, even with limited vision, and allow others to serve me.

I can be positive, face the future with faith and encourage others to do the same, to see life with the glass "half full" instead of "half empty". My lack of vision tempts me to get discouraged and feel self pity. But as I count my blessings and have faith that all will work out in time (and exercise patience) I can be positive through this trial, and hopefully build others around me.

As this scripture states, I must impart my substance to others, which I try to do, and find great joy in doing. But I also realized that this scripture, if turned around in the opposite position, also applies to others serving me. As we serve others, we receive joy, and blessings, and feel God's Spirit close to us. How selfish of me to unconsciously just want that for myself, and not allow others to feel that same gift. By allowing others to serve and take care of me and my family right now, in this time of my trial, I allow others to feel the joy that comes from sacrifice and service. By my allowing others to serve me, I find joy in knowing they receive happiness and increased blessings and spirituality through their love and desire to sacrifice.

So, to sum up this long thought, there have been many who have wanted to be there for me, to help me and my family. At times, well, quite often, I have felt guilty, refused help, done things on my own, and tried to not inconvenience you as you have desired to be of service. Shame on me for refusing you and denying you the opportunity to grow and feel blessed. I will work on that going forward. I will allow others to help me, and I will accept these desires graciously and thankfully, knowing that I can not be the only one to receive blessings through my service to others, but allow those who desire to receive in service to me.

I go in tomorrow early morning to have my second cornea transplant. I will not be able to see tomorrow, and I do not know when I will receive correction for my left eye. I am not going to get down on myself or life. I am going to be strong and know that it is all in the name of progress. In time, I will see again, and this will allow me to have more compassion and understanding to those who struggle with this disease, with those who have lost their vision, and with those who feel that they inconvenience others through their times of trial and healing.

I love you all. Thank you for your kind words, love and prayers. They mean a great deal to me and give me strength.

My sister was very inspired and said to not think of tomorrow as the day I lose my sight, but the day that I start to see again, without all the pain, headaches, and stress of wearing my hard lenses over my distorted cornea. Thank you to her for putting my mind in the right focus.

Tomorrow I start again....and I have a bright, beautiful, and eventually clear vision future ahead.

Forgive my random thoughts and poor sentence structure. I am using my 20/60 right eye to type. I will try to post soon, but will be healing and do not know when I will be able to see well enough to type.